I used to be terrified of risk, and, as an extremely shy child, risk encompassed any interaction with a new person or situation. The fear was crippling, and I was ashamed of what other people would think of my failures. I wanted to be perfect. Growing up, my shyness was in constant opposition with my determination to succeed both academically and in my future career. I was forced to face reality when I started college and left my comfortable environment at home. My fears of the unknown and my unwillingness to be uncomfortable were holding me back. Changing my mindset was the most difficult obstacle I have ever overcome and took years of focused efforts and occurred over thousands of small victories. I forced myself to challenge myself. Over several years I became excellent at hiding my fear of risk but not at overcoming my fears.
The turning point occurred several months into my first year of medical school. I wanted to by a physician my entire life, and my fear of being disliked, failing academically, or the unknown was ruining my life. If I wanted to be competitive I had to research, lead, and be an active member of the community, all of which required taking risks on new experiences. I forced myself to apply for every open position on campus, and I was rejected from everything. Every other uber-competitive medical student was applying as well, and I didn’t make the cut, again and again. As a first year medical student undertaking a new and crushing academic load, “failing” at every application made me distraught.
Fast forward three years later and I am so thankful that I soldiered on, and continued to apply for and try new experiences. Eventually I started to make small wins that I did not notice at first but resulted in big changes. I have now successfully organized a conference, written a research paper and am applying into the specialty of my dreams. Prior to attempting any of these new challenges, I had no clue how to make them happen. I just took the risk and figured it out. Some risks resulted in failure but others in success. The successes will be remembered by others and the failures only by myself, so who cares?
As I stand less than one year from receiving an MD, I realize that we all have to take risks to advance in life. Nobody can predict outcomes with 100% certainty despite working hard towards our ideal results. Perfection isn’t possible. Ultimately, we must face setbacks, changes to the plan and unforeseen circumstances in order to succeed. If we fail to expose ourselves to risk then we fail ourselves because we will not learn, succeed or reach our goals.
Moments in the Middle 
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